So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How's work?
Spinning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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