what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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