Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize