the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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