ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
