Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
