I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize