You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
