I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
