I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize