He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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