The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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