You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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