k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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