we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
