I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
