the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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