'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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