so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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