Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
