Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize