Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
