U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
