Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize