I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
