I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
