I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
