The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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