T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
