thus making me awesome and them whores
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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