Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize