I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
