she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
not ubering you a puppy
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
