jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
