She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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