I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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