I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you had me at cake vodka
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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