She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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