Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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