508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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