Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
