And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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