Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
