Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
