me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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