I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
