Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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