From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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