This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
