I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how does that bad decision feel?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
