We're like a lot better than the average bears
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
