ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Enjoy the penises
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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