I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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