im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How's work?
Spinning.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I believe in your delicious
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
