Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
