i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize