everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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