so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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