Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
