My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Bring me that man meat
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
