So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
