So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
