Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize