i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Non-Jews are for practice
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
