Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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