we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
