Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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