and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
