hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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