No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
