I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
pray to the hookup gods
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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