I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
